Hello. My name is Jin, an 18 year old woman. I have Asperger’s Syndrome, and I am a member of the Unification Church of Reverend Moon.
I am a personal escort for a Gentelman’s Club.
Even as a child I would experience severe conditions of ennui and rage; leading me to break things. As I grew up I thought I was getting better - but I was probably just distracting myself more. I found friends, I found weed, I found old books, I found clothes, and I found sex. The past two years my ‘attacks’ have become more and more several, it usually starts as a complete lack of motivation that builds my frustration.
I have trained myself to control it, though it can still affect my social interactions (a very important part of my job). But sometimes it is explosive and I feel like I cant do anything but let it run me…hate, anger, blind rage and a need to break everything around me. Last week I had a difficult conversation with my aunt and I ended breaking out every window in my flat; and I might have to face some criminal or civil charges due to the danger falling glass panes present. This is just one large example.
IF I am frustrated with service at a food establishment I will just flip my tray over off the table and leave. I am self-medicating with marijuana and lorazepam; but the first gives me paranoia and the second makes it hard for me to converse because of memory problems (VERY important as an escort).
I have a profound mistrust and even loathing of the AMA, the Psychiatric industry and their FDA/Patent Pharma schemes. I’m not an anti-chemical person, I just think they’re realibly tested and the ‘results’ are misread, ignoring that closer analysis shows most anti-depressents are no more effective than sugar-pill, less effective than talk-therapy and dangerous to boot.
I have tried talk-therapy with counselours and I found them conmdescending and ignorant. They obviously did not understand how different the reasoning and social life of an Aspie are compared to a ‘normal’ person; on top of their totally misunderstanding me and then trying to force me to fit into their DSM where I don’t fit they were usually just plain pretentious liberals; who were more interested in soft-peddling left-wing panaceas than interacting with me as a person.
I am hoping to fine someone I can actually talk to. I don’t know what to expect, but this is getting out of control. If I can’t manage my temper or my tears I’ll lose my escort job and, because I WILL NOT ask my family or church for assistance that leaves being another crazy street hooker for me.